I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
