Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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