I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
