sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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