Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize