I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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