He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
