maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
