Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
