maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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