she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You ate ashes out of my bong
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
