wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she pinky promised me she was 18
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
