He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
