If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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