trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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