im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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