What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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