fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
