Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
