is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
