I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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