she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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