a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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