i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
