so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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