I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
