You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize