My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
