somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
