i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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