Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
