barbara walters just said penis...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
