I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
