I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
