he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
