it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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