At least make sure they are 18
Why
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
