I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
