I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
