Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
