do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
