Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize