I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
