we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
