I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
