I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
