My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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