im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
