I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
