And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
