i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
