He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize