Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
