she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
