We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
North Korea, Best Korea!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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