just tell him i said nine months
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
