wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
