It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
