sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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