i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
