Even water is tasting like jack daniels
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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