I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
