Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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