yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Buhtt sex?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize