Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
