me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
