we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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