there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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