the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
