what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
