I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
