Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
