Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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